Posted 5/31/2010

OIL DRILLERS: IDIOTS AND GORILLAS

We arrived at the drill site in East Texas at 7am, only to find the drill crew milling about aimlessly. They did look a bit like gorillas – a label used to describe the drill workers used by several office people who had sent us out to this drill site.

“Somethin’s screwed up with the mud motor,” explained a big guy holding a cigarette in a three-fingered hand.

“Has the motor had recent preventive maintenance?” we asked.

The big guy blew smoke in my face and laughed. "We don’t do preventive anything on ‘Ol’ Twenty-Two.’ When somethin’ busts, we put in a new part. The rig was built in 1922, which is why we call it ‘Ol’ Twenty-Two.’ And you know what, the rig y'er lookin’ at don’t have a single original part. They all been replaced many times over in the last 58 years.”

“But the people in the office showed us a preventative maintenance schedule for this rig,” we protested.

“That’s a laugh. Those idiots don’t have any idea what we do out here.”

Nothing happened until nine, when a dust-covered pickup roared up. Out came a mean-looking cowboy wearing a big hat, big boots, worn checked shirt and dirty jeans. It was the boss. The rig foreman. After asking, “What the F’s going on?,” he hopped up the steel ladder to the platform and began tinkering and cussing. In less than ten minutes, he announced, “F’ers fixed.”

The drilling started. Within a half hour. Some of the crew started squirting drilling mud at the face of the youngish-looking guy on the drill.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled at the foreman.

“Oh, hell, this is just how we initiate a new man.”

“He could lose a finger,” I yelled.

He squinted at me, slowly brought his left hand up, proudly displaying two spaces where fingers once dwelled. “Hell, Mr. Consultant, we all lose fingers in this trade. A guy’s lost a finger, it means you can have confidence in him. He’s a veteran. Not like that kid up there.”

It was clear that there was absolutely no connection beyond paychecks between the “idiots” in the office and the “gorillas” on the rigs.

This became even more clear when some of us spent time on the drilling platforms on the North Sea. The men came from all over the world to work four weeks on, four weeks off, at very dangerous but high-paying jobs.

The “idiots” in the office had bragged about the safety programs they provided the men on the rigs. But we didn’t find anything to match paper plans with actual performance. The gorillas thrived on danger and excitement. Safety was for sissies. Most of them had suffered serious injuries.

A foreman explained that North Sea storms and crashing 30-foot waves added greatly to the dangers experienced by the men who drilled in deep ocean waters. He said this while kicking aside a hose that shouldn’t have been lying in a place where men walked (according to the “idiots").

He laughed and said, “The office has no idea about safety on this kind of rig. The biggest cause of accidents and injuries is the four week on and four week off system, which lets guys fly to the job from Australia and other distant places. The first week here, a guy daydreams about home and makes stupid mistakes. The fourth week here, his mind is on home and he makes more stupid mistakes. In an eight-week period, we get two good weeks out of a man, two dangerous weeks, and four weeks of absence. We rotate the men as best we can, but there are times when we have too many daydreamers on the job.”

This all took place in 1980.

But I don’t think anything has changed. The idiots would be embarrassed to show a hand missing fingers, while the gorillas would thrust a similar hand forward with pride.

The paper programs prepared by the idiots are rarely executed by the gorillas.

While Congress investigates the causes of the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, they would do well to dwell on the great cultural divide which drives men to act dangerously, arrogantly, and stupidly, in confronting risk on the great rigs.

The disastrous BP rig was manned by both idiots and gorillas. Even though drilling mud was screaming upward (which is a sure sign of a blowout), the idiot captain did not declare an emergency. (The regulations require the two top officers to declare an emergency.)

Luckily, the only female gorilla on board had the presence of mind to rush to the radio room and send out a “Mayday call." When she informed the captain of her action, he sternly reprimanded her, saying, “You weren't authorized to do that.” She meekly said, “I'm sorry.” Sorry to have acted with far more presence of mind than all the officers on the bridge.

During the emergency, survivors said everyone was confused and milling about because “no one was in charge.” The captain issued the abandon ship order after one of two lifeboats had left the rig. The second lifeboat was only partially filled. The large inflatable raft was occupied and lowered, but it was not able to move away from the burning rig. It seems that no one had the presence of mind to cut the line holding the raft to the rig.

It is clear that the safety regulations were completely out of sync with the needs of the emergency. In this case, the gorillas who knew what to do were held back by rules which put all the power in the hands of the bosses.

Will anyone learn anything from this?

Will gorillas still take high-paying jobs on defective rigs? You betcha.

Will gorillas ignore blowout safety instructions? Sure. We love danger.

Will idiots make real-world safety programs? We’d rather stay in air-conditioned offices.

Will the bosses worry about government inspectors? They've been bribed.

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