AN INGENIOUS APPROACH TO SOCIAL SECURITY

At a time when all the geniuses, actuaries and politicians and pundits are coming up with schemes to "save" Social Security, the best idea of all may have started with the observations of a professional football player.

During the run-up to the Super Bowl, a reporter confronted one of the running backs and demanded to know how the player felt about losing his starting job and becoming a backup. The player, betraying none of the macho stuff many players are noted for, replied, "I am happy to make any contribution I can."

"But you were a starter," the reporter persisted. "How do you feel in your new (and lesser) role?"

"Well, I started as a substitute, then became a starter and now I am a backup. Everyone who starts in the National Football League is going to end up a backup."

Genius from the mouths of running backs. "Everyone is going to end up a backup." For that is the solution to the Social Security problem. Instead of having every employed person going off the cliff of full employment to retirement, who not institute a pro football bell curve of employment and have everyone ease off and become a backup for the company they work for? Instead of being forced completely out by 60 or 65, the worker would start back down the same ladder he climbed.

The president of the corporation would step down to becoming the president of one of the corporation’s divisions. The middle manager would step down the ladder to the next rung, a supervisory position. The superintendent would drop down one level to foreman, and the foreman would once again become a lead worker. Everyone would end up a backup to the highest position he or she had achieved.

Because those over 65 have less energy than they did at 50, they could adjust their hours downward. In some cases, a lower-level position could be shared by two compatible older executives, each working half-time. The average work life would expand to be as compatible with lifespan as it did in the 1930s, when Social Security was first created. Thus, a man with an life expectancy of 78 could stay part of the workforce to 70 or 73 while gradually moving back down the ladder.

Everybody would benefit from becoming a backup player in the economy.

Social Security would win because contributions into the system would be extended five to eight additional years, while payout periods would be reduced the same five to eight years.

Companies would benefit because valuable bases of knowledge would be retained. Enormous amounts of money would be saved if companies could avoid reinventing the same bad wheel over and over and over again.

Workers would benefit by making a gradual transition from the workforce into retirement instead of plunging in cold turkey.

Spouses would benefit because the newly retired boss, having no one else to boss around, tends to start telling you how to shop at the supermarket, what to buy, and how to rearrange you kitchen more efficiently, virtually telling you your whole life has been spent doing things stupidly. Many a marriage has collapsed on the shoals of a boss’s retirement.

The big problem with this solution is the male ego. When Joe Montana’s quarterbacking skills had slipped at San Francisco, the team offered him the chance to be the backup for upsurging Steve Young. But Joe’s ego demanded that he remain a starter – so he quit and jumped to Kansas City, where he attained more bumps and bruises than glory.

On the other hand, the female ego is wondrously suited to this kind of accommodation, having learned to juggle family, home and work simultaneously while patiently playing backup to their husbands.