Bush:

Karl, where are your latest poll ratings?

Rove:

In the dumpster, Mr. President.

Bush:

But I'm a nice guy. Why are the American people down on me?

Rove:

Sir, there are lots of reasons....

Cheney:

Yeah, yeah. We've heard it all before. Iraq, alienating Europe, Katrina, the jobless economy, the lousy stock market, the CIA leak, the trade deficit, the budget deficit, the Social Security mess....

Rove:

And now there's Tom DeLay, Bill Frist and Harriet Miers and ....

Bush:

Now, Karl, stop picking on Harriet. She's a good woman. It's bad enough that Arlen Spector, a Republican, kept saying bad things about her.

Cheney:

That goddam Spector is a real Benedict Arnold.

Rove:

But, Mr. President, there is some very good news.

Bush:

[Falling off his couch and grasping Rove by the ankles.] Yes? Yes?

Rove:

Let me help you up, Sir.

Cheney:

Forget him. What good news?

Rove:

The polls show that the Democrats aren't gaining on us at all.

Cheney:

How can that be? We're in deep manure.

Bush:

[Grasping Rove's knees] Yes. Yes. Tell us.

Rove:

Well, the media thinks it's because the Democrats can't come up with good programs.

Cheney:

What do you think, Karl?

Rove:

Well, I hired a sociologist to examine our situation and he says we have nothing to fear from the Democrats.

Cheney:

Sounds like a Berkeley pot-smoking Commie, if you ask me.

Rove:

No, sir. He's an expert in social class analysis from the University of Iowa.

Bush:

I thought Iowa was agricultural. Like corn and maize and other stuff.

Rove:

No, Dr. Strata has a Ph.D in Sociology and specializes in American social class levels.

Bush:

We have social class in America? I thought that stuff was in England.

Rove:

According to Dr. Strata, there are seven distinct social class levels in America.

Bush:

Really? I wonder what I am.

Rove:

According to Dr. Strata, you rank number seven, the highest level.

Cheney:

He does? How do you figure that?

Rove:

Social class is determined by several key factors. Prep school, prestige of college, clubs, money, income, business leadership, civic leadership. Things like that.

Bush:

Say, I have money and a Harvard MBA. And I'm the President. This guy knows what he's talking about.

Cheney:

Yadda, yadda, yadda. Why does he think we have nothing to fear from the Democrats?

Rove:

He says the Republican Party is in a much higher social class than the Democrats and the public realizes this.

Bush:

Really? What makes the Democrats so low?

Cheney:

Yeah, besides Teddy Kennedy?

Rove:

First, there's money. Americans believe Republicans are richer.

Cheney:

What else?

Rove:

Occupational status. Republicans are perceived as business leaders and entrepreneurs.

Bush:

What are Democrats perc... seen as?

Rove:

Democrats are seen as labor leaders and ambulance-chasing lawyers. Low status occupations.

Bush:

And labor is associated with dirty, polluting factories.

Cheney:

Yeah. Would you like Jenna to bring home a hairy-knuckled factory foreman?

Bush:

No, of course not. But what about Hollywood celebrities? Aren't they all Democrats?

Rove:

Dr. Strata says that actresses and actors may get paid a lot, but sociologically speaking, they barely rank ahead of pimps and prostitutes. That's why New York co-op boards keep rejecting them.

Cheney:

That's good. I always felt that way about Warren Beatty, Barbra Streisand and the rest of that pinko crowd.

Bush:

So why don't we have anything to fear of the Democrats?

Rove:

No matter how badly we mess up, as long as Republicans are higher up the social class ladder, the average American would rather be called a Republican than an Democrat. There's just so much more prestige in being a Republican.

Bush:

[Jumping up from the floor] I have to make a call!

Cheney:

Who's so urgent?

Bush:

I've got to call Jeb about 2008. This will really cheer him up.