Rice:

Mr. President, the unfortunate news reports about the mess in New Orleans have substantially diminished our standing in the eyes of the world.

Cheney:

The goddam press!

Rove:

It's even worse at home. I'm afraid to look at the upcoming polls.

Bush:

Let's not get down in the mouth. When I ran the Rangers, we never won anything, but we never lost heart.

Rice:

Respectfully, it's not a matter of heart. It seems to be that we may have lost respect. We no longer inspire fear among the nations of the world.

Cheney:

She's right. Don Rumsfeld is absolutely disconsolate because nobody is afraid of his fabulous high-tech army any more.

Rice:

Sir, even Iran and North Korea are thumbing their noses at us.

Bush:

Condi, what has New Orleans got to do with Iran? They're in different countries.

Rove:

The press is reporting that the world feels that if we cannot take care of our own people in New Orleans, how are we going to be able to take care of any other city, let alone a whole country?

Cheney:

The goddam press!

Rice:

The telecasts of the looting, mugging, dead bodies and screaming victims remind people of our failure in Iraq.

Bush:

We will get things cleaned up.

Rice:

But, Mr. President, some people are beginning to think that American democracy creates the very conditions that cause looting, mugging, dead bodies and screaming people – even anarchy.

Bush:

That's reaching, Condi. How could they think something like that?

Rice:

Television showed Baghdad to be a peaceful, well-ordered city before you became president. Then it erupted into chaos. The network showed New Orleans to be a pleasant, well-ordered city before your election. Now it, too, is in chaos. The press just makes the seemingly obvious inference.

Cheney:

The goddam press!

Bush:

Do you agree with this, Karl?

Rove:

Not entirely, Mr. President. But the situation is serious. You're looking at approval ratings in the 30s.

Bush:

That's terrible. How will I privatize Social Security? How will I get rid of the death tax? What will all my big contributors say?

Rove:

We could lose everything, Mr. President.

Bush:

I could?

Rove:

Even good old reliable Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was quoted in the press questioning the whole idea of rebuilding New Orleans. The press is on the verge of accusing you of losing New Orleans.

Cheney:

The goddam press.

Rove:

When Lyndon Johnson was president, he pushed the Vietnam War because he was deathly afraid of being labeled "the President who lost Saigon."

Bush:

So what?

Rove:

Being labeled "the President who lost New Orleans" would be infinitely worse than being the President who lost Saigon.

Rice:

History would compare you unfavorably with President Andrew Jackson, the hero of the Battle of New Orleans, who saved the city from the armed might of the British.

Cheney:

Goddam history.

Bush:

Condi! I need help. Run out and call for Karen Hughes.

(Secretary Rice leaves and the door closes.)

Cheney:

Karl, do you have the feeling that Ms. Rice is getting a little uppity?

Bush:

Isn't there any good news?

Rove:

Yes, sir, there certainly is: You don't face reelection.