HEY, COUCH POTATOES! HOT, NEW TECH COMING YOUR WAY

This stuff is so exciting that you'll want to raise your arms and shout with joy. (Getting up might be too much to ask.)

It will also make your home life less stressful. If your spouse gets critical while you're watching the sports on TV, you'll have a ready-made reply:

Simply yawn and say, "I am not merely watching TV. I'm also washing the dishes, doing the laundry and monitoring Junior on the internet."

In fact, you may never have to get off the couch again except to go to the bathroom.

How is this possible?

Hitachi has created a new "brain machine interface" (BMI) which can be applied to a wide range of electronic products. It reads your brain waves with "optical topography," which shoots a low amount of infrared light through the brain's surface. This allows the device to read and translate changes in your brain's blood flow.

If you order the TV to go on, your brain's blood flow goes into a new pattern. The BMI reads the pattern and sends the "turn on" signal to the TV. Bingo! It's on. Think of all the energy you'll save, not having to lift that heavy remote.

Turning on the washing machine creates its own unique blood flow pattern in the brain, as does the instruction to the dishwasher. And getting into your son's computer is probably easiest of all. At Christmas, you can even operate your electric train without getting down on your hands and knees.

Now, if you've spent so much time on the couch that your brain flow is too sluggish, there's still reason for optimism. Researchers at Brown University and Cyberkinetics Neurotechology Systems have come up with an implant for your brain. It's smaller than an aspirin, but very powerful. And capable of connecting your thinking to actionable computer instructions.

It was tested on a person with even less mobility than a couch potato: a quadriplegic. The paralyzed researcher was able to use a robotic arm and operate a remote control. He even got pretty good at computer games.

Of course, there is a downside to all that wonderful stuff coming your way:

Sex.

Particularly erectile dysfunction. Researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that 20% of American men over the age of 20 suffer from ER. The two correlations: age and a lazy lifestyle.

While these new hot tech devices may save you from getting up, they may also prevent you from getting it up.

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