WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PAYCHECK?

It is January 2050 at the Dialysis Pump Corporation. A very distraught Myron Milquetoast has just run into his boss's office.

“Mr. Bumpers! Mr. Bumpers! There's something wrong with my paycheck.”

“Calm yourself, Milquetoast. Your check?”

“Yes, it's all wrong.”

“Is it not printed properly?”

“I don't know. But the numbers are all wrong.”

“Wrong, Milquetoast? Wrong? What could be wrong?”

“You told me I was getting a 10 percent merit raise on January 1st.”

“Yes, that is true.”

“Well, this check with my new raise in it is less than my old check without the raise. How can a ten percent raise result in less money?”

“Let me bring your pay record up on the screen. Aha. You did get a ten percent merit raise. It's all right here.”

“But my pay has gone down!”

“Now, Milquetoast. Sit back, take a deep breath and relax. The situation is very clear.”

“It is?”

“Yes, Milquetoast, it is. You did get a ten percent raise. That is, you company compensation increased ten percent.”

“Then where is my money, Mr. Bumpers?”

“First, your increase triggered higher withholding for the adjusted minimum wage tax. That money goes to the government. Second, there was a big jump in Social Security taxes; you probably read about it. That really took a big bite out of your take-home pay.”

“You mean Social Security taxes and this alternate thing ate up my whole raise?”

“No, not your whole raise, Milquetoast. There was another huge rise in medical costs, which the company had to deduct from your total compensation package. When the medical benefit cost is thrown in, along with Social Security taxes and the alternate minimum tax, it appears that your whole raise was more than absorbed by taxes and benefits.”

“Mr. Bumpers, I worked hard for that raise. My wife and kids are all eagerly looking forward to seeing my new check. How do I tell them my 10 percent raise means a smaller check?”

“It is difficult, Milquetoast. But you just have to show them that your raise has been expressed not in wages, but in greater support for your federal government, more money for your Social Security retirement checks, and even better health care.”

“My boy wants a new bike and my girl wants a new winter coat and my wife wants a new pair of shoes.... Oh, hell, how do I explain this mess?”

“Just let them know it could be worse.”

“Worse? I'm so knotted up, I've had to put a dialysis machine in my office. How can it be worse than this? How?”

“Simple, Milquetoast. In ten years, the largest part of your compensation will be health care premiums. Social Security taxes will be second. The alternate minimum tax will be third. And the fourth and least amount of your compensation will be your wages.”

“Mr. Bumpers, that's terrible!”

“Unfortunately, Milquetoast, we're all going to be working for Uncle Sam and the HMOs.”