Posted 11/11/2009

CHEAPEST LABOR IN THE WORLD

Who has the cheapest labor in the world?

China? India? Bangladesh? Philippines?

Nope.

These countries have cheap labor, all right. But they can’t hold a candle to the good ol' USA. We have the cheapest labor pool in the world because we offer manufacturers and retailers FREE labor.

Two hundred million Americans provide manufacturers from all over the world with labor, and we charge them not one red cent.

I estimate that Americans perform over two billion hours of free labor each year. It tends to peak in the fourth quarter.

Let's look at the businesses which benefit from our unusual largess:

At gas stations, attendants no longer pump your gas. You now pump gas free of charge, which reduces jobs all across the country. Do you think it is your sworn duty to save Exxon money? The company wins by passing on only a small part of its labor savings in lower gasoline prices. (All the oil companies do this.)

Walmart and other retailers are now trying to force you into checking your goods out and bagging them. By providing Walmart with free checkout and bagging service, you are eliminating thousands of jobs. It's also very annoying. When I was checking out directly from my cart to the price scanner, an obnoxious female voice kept yelping, "Place your merchandise on the counter." I huffily told her where to go and did it my way. She took the money even though I had violated corporate procedure.

Enthralled with booking your own travel, you have thrust thousands of travel agents out into the cold. Gone is the personal experience which could save you from some bad decisions – like staying in a hotel with fleas. Where is that person who could warn the basketball player not to take an airline which flies planes designed for midgets?

By booking air tickets online, you are eliminating all kinds of clerical jobs. By checking yourself in, you are sending thousands of counter jobs into oblivion. By carrying on your luggage, you effectively eliminate baggage handling jobs – and the jobs of the people who manufacture the baggage trucks.

When you order presents online this Christmas, you are putting retail clerks out in the cold. Fewer jobs mean fewer costs to the retailer, who entices you online with lower prices made possible by lower personnel costs. It becomes a vicious spiral, which leads to fewer retail outlets and far fewer people employed.

As we increasingly pay bills electronically, we reduce the revenue of the Post Office, which is now losing about $6 billion a year – a sum which you must pay in added taxes or increased national debt. (The Post Office cannot reduce costs because the government limits its ability to drop unprofitable post offices.)

The advent of electronic communications in corporations has eliminated mailroom jobs. (Many a successful ad man started his career in the mailroom, learning the biz from the ground up.)

Desktop publishing has decimated the once-thriving printing industry. (But when you make a boo-boo in the annual report, there is no longer a printer to blame.) To understand the depth of the problem, consider the meaning of the word "printer." Where it once meant a printing company, the word now means a device attached to your computer.

But by far the greatest job destruction involves manufactured goods. In the old days, every factory had an assembly line or division. They made the parts and employed large concentrations of people to assemble those parts into finished products.

But times changed and manufacturers found they could save assembly labor costs by simply transferring the assembly jobs to you, the consumer. Almost everything you buy requires some assembly. In many cases, lots of assembly.

A few personal experiences –

• Figuring out how to deal with all the cords and plug-ins for my first computer required hours.

• I bought a sophisticated work station that came in a large, flat container. It was all in parts. It took my wife and me six hours to assemble it. Twelve hours. How many jobs do you think that manufacturer is killing?

• Once I made the mistake of ordering a toy kitchen for my seven-year-old daughter, who still believed in Santa. By three in the morning Christmas day, I had five bleeding fingers and parts lying around the living room floor. I had no idea the damn thing was made of sheet metal. I had to make an emergency call to my engineer brother-in-law, who came over and assembled it. I had to explain to my daughter that Santa and his elves had been so busy they couldn't get all the toys together in time. Actually, it was a job that no self-respecting union worker would have accepted.

And is there anything more annoying than toys that do not come with the necessary batteries to operate them? You have to burn gas and time trying to find the batteries necessary to keep your youngster from shedding tears of disappointment when his toy doesn't move or do anything.

And how does it feel attempting to assemble a cabinet when the holes do not line up? Do you get out the drill and attempt to expand the hole into an oval? Does that destroy the integrity of the object?

It wasn't always this way. Manufacturers were once honest about assembly. They either did the job or offered products which promoted educational and enjoyable assembly. Think Lincoln Logs and Erector Sets. And Lionel Trains were easy to put together.

But today, honesty and integrity have gone out the window with assembly.

When it comes to Christmas, you better go out and buy a full toolbox. And you had better load it up with all sizes of drill bits, screws, nuts and bolts – many of which will be missing when you try to put the pieces together.

If you are buying furniture and other things made of wood, you'd better brush up on your carpentry skills.

Many people blame relatives for all the tension around the Christmas holidays. But I really think it's the assembly-required presents which make us all a little nuts.

There is great irony in Christmas.

Jesus was a carpenter.

Now we all are.

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