WHY DO THEY GROW UP SO FAST, YET MATURE SO SLOWLY?

Psychologists and mothers agree on one thing: kids are growing up too fast these days. Just after you get her out of diapers, she is demanding mascara and eyeliner. Little girls start using makeup at seven or eight, while today's boys skip over the short pants and knickers rites of passage, moving from diapers to long pants or jeans practically overnight.

At the same time, other psychologists feel that children mature much more slowly than they did in earlier times. There is a serious recommendation to expand the concept of teen years all the way to 30. According to this view, young adults are those aged 31 to 50, while those 51 to 70 would be considered middle-aged. Over 70 and you are old. From this perspective, people in their twenties are just too immature to be called adults, having slow frontal lobe maturation and all that kind of thing.

If kids are growing up too fast, why are they maturing so slowly?

If we look at maturity as the full development of judgment and inner strength, there may be an obvious answer to the riddle: excessive adult control. Today's child, so controlled and programmed from birth by external forces, never has the opportunity to experience the hard knocks and rewards of playing the real game of life on his own.
Today's child goes on "play dates" arranged by mother. If he doesn't like the person he is stuck with, he can't punch him out for fear of ruining mother's relationships in the community. His behavior is entirely outer-directed.

Yesterday's child was kicked out of the house and told "to go out and play." He usually went up and down the street, bellowing out the names of kids he knew, calling them out to play. He might play or he might fight, he might even get beaten up. But his behavior was directed by his inner self and how he judged playing the game of life.

Today's child is thrust into organized activities like team soccer, little league baseball, drama club, journalism club and myriad activities in which the word "organized" is code for adult domination and direction. In such activities, the child fails to develop independent judgment, being dependent on the approval or disapproval of adults.

Yesterday's child was stuck with many chores assigned on the basis of "management by objective." His parents told him what to do but left it up to him to decide how to do them, leaving great room for independent judgment and inner satisfaction. He chose up sides on the vacant lot and played a rough game of baseball where the second baseman might knock down the runner on a steal attempt or the runner might throw a football block into the second baseman. In the process, yesterday's child went beyond baseball -- he was playing the game of life. A game not governed by the highly restrictive rules of today's organized interpretations.

Today's child acts in a school play which may be directed by professionals, staged by professionals and which may cost $25,000 to $125,000. Adding in all the gee whiz technology, productions in some schools reach the level of off-Broadway plays -- and cost about the same when volunteer time is dollarized. Each student actor does what the directors tell him to do, there being little room for improvisation.

Yesterday's child acted in homemade costumes and appeared in school plays which were simply staged with cardboard and cloth scenery bereft of gee whiz special effects. Plays were normally directed by an English teacher pulling double duty. Because productions were not tightly controlled, there was much room for student creativity, originality -- and the development of judgment.

Today's student studies less than four hours a week for class preparation, but receives all A's and B's on his report card. Schools have long abandoned grading on a curve because parents become too upset if today's child comes home with a C or D or two. A's and B's are required to maintain today's students' desperate need for self-esteem. As a result, today's child loses perspective, being ill-prepared to deal with either painful adversity and true success.

Yesterday's child studied two and three hours a night, including weekends, to prepare for classes. He was prepared for the competitively harsh real world by being subjected to the grading curve, which rewarded excellence and humiliated poor performance. He was well-prepared for the business and professional worlds, which never award the A's and B's of success to everyone.

Today's child takes five or more years to finish college.

Yesterday's child made it in four years or less.

Today's child, ill-prepared to face the real game of life, tends to return to his parents' nest, finding life much easier under his parents' roof. Neither home nor school prepared him to be "out on his own."

Yesterday's child, well-prepared to face the game of life, never returned to the nest, judging such a return to be both childish and a sign of abject failure. In his senior year at college, he was always impatient to be "out on his own."

Today's child has a great fear of failure because he was never allowed to experience it at home or in school.

Yesterday's child, having suffered the bumps and bruises inflicted by the game of life, has far less fear of failure.

Today's child marries late because he has "commitment issues."

Yesterday's child married early because commitment was an essential part of the game of life.