Posted 1/6/2008

BACKSEAT DRIVER SITTING IN FRONT

"Slow down, you're going too fast!"

"You should have taken a shortcut."

"Stop at the gas station and ask for directions."

"Take the freeway."

This was the backseat driver of yore. Frequently a disapproving mother-in-law or an idiot nephew who didn't have a driver's license yet.

But there's a new backseat driver coming at you. Only this time, he'll be sitting in the front passenger seat. And it won't be any of your troublesome relatives.

Who will it be?

It will be Reginald P. Footman and he'll travel everywhere with you, sitting in the right front seat of your car.

Reginald won't be abrasive or offending. He'll have the good manners of a British butler.

And like a butler, he'll see to all your needs as you drive.

• He'll navigate your route and lead you to your destination.
• He'll make your phone calls and change your radio stations.
• And he'll warn you about traffic jams and construction delays. He'll tell you about slow traffic ahead.
• He'll warn you about running low on fuel and advise you on where to buy the cheapest gas along your route.
• On long trips, he'll indicate where the best food outlets are and the locations of the cleanest rest stops.
• He'll warn you about the highways, counties and townships which are notorious speed traps.

At first, he'll be just a system.

But later he'll become a complete robot capable of many physical activities.

• He'll fish your lipstick out of your purse and peel your banana on the way to work.
• He'll read you the reports you neglected the night before.
• He'll smooth out and comb your hair.
• If your breath is bad, he'll give you a spritz of Listerine.

If you think this is farfetched, talk to IBM. The company claims to be only four years away from delivering an operable auto system.

With robots now minding children in South Korea and Japan, can the robotic adult butler be far behind?

Of course, men might prefer the Regina P. Footman version instead.

Especially if they can order certain anatomical enhancing accessories.

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