The wolf packs will be roving this fall, trying to fatten up for winter. The wolves will be attacking deer and caribou, but not all deer and caribou. They will concentrate on the old, the very young and the infirm. Meals are easier to come by with that kind of focus.

There may not be a wolf at your door this fall, but something else will ... the flu pack. And that nasty flu pack will act exactly like the wolves, causing deaths among the old, the very young and the infirm.

Even the rest of us can be laid low by the distress caused by an attack of flu. (Technically speaking, your chills, fever, aches and pains will not be generated by the flu itself but by your immune system as it fights the fast-multiplying hordes of flu. In the language of the Pentagon, your immune system discomforts are merely "collateral damage" caused by "friendly fire.")

How can you avoid all this and keep the flu at the door?

Here are eleven suggestions.

1. Don't stand on macho ceremony. Get a flu shot. Men are afraid of needles, so wives will have be strong this season.

2. Don't hang around in crowded places. Airline service is terrible and the movies are lousy anyway. Will you risk the flu to see Jackass 2?

3. Wash your hands a lot. Pontius Pilate never got the flu.

4. Keep your hands away from your eyes, the entry point for the flu intruder. If your eye itches or tears, use a fresh Kleenex each time. Don't worry about all the trees that have to be felled.

5. Clean your hands thoroughly with a bottle of an alcohol-based sanitizing agent. But no sniffing or gargling is allowed.

6. Avoid shaking hands. Everybody can see you aren't carrying a truncheon. If you must make physical contact, learn the "Nigerian handshake," which involves touching elbows, a part of the body which cannot be sneezed upon except by the double-jointed.

7. Don't sign credit card slips with pens provided by the store or restaurant. Public pens carry an incredible variety of viruses and germs. Besides, many people don't even wash their hands after using the restroom.

8. Keep away from sick family members. Rig up a pulley system from the bedroom door to the bed. Use the pulley to pass food and drink across the room to the bedridden. For the engineering-challenged, use a shuffleboard stick to slide food and water across the floor to the bed.

9. Wear a surgical mask when in crowded areas. It will protect you some, and other people even more, if you are coughing and sneezing. But don't wear the mask and a hooded sweatshirt at the same time or you might find yourself in handcuffs.

10. If someone behind you sneezes, close your eyes and hold your breath for 15 seconds or so. This will deny the offender's viruses and germs from entering your body. This technique is better done while sitting or standing still so as to avoid walking into an open manhole.

11. Stop kissing. Don't even blow air kisses, which are loaded with viruses and germs. And for goodness sakes, stop with all the hugging.

Well, that's about the size of it. For those challenged by pregnancy, ill health, diabetes, immune problems or advanced age, see your doctor for more specialized preventative care.

Researchers say about 20 percent of us will let the wolf in the door this fall.

What do you say we try to reduce it to 15 percent?

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