INTERPOL CLOSING IN ON ASSASSIN OF EX-KGB SPY

Interpol, the international police agency, is rapidly getting close to identifying the burglar who pilfered the deadly Polonium-210 from a Russian nuclear reactor facility.

Polonium-210 has been identified as the radioactive substance used in the KGB-style killing of former Soviet spy Alexander Litvinenko in London.

Litinvenko had been a strong and loud critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin, the former head of the KGB – an agency well-versed in highly skillful murder methods, ranging from poison canes to bullet-firing cigarette lighters to employing mad Bulgarians in an attempt on the life of the Pope. Despite failing to off the Pope, the KGB was far more successful in the art of assassination than our own CIA, which muffed seven consecutive attempts to kill Fidel Castro. (Remember the poison cigar gambit?)

Litvinenko accused Putin of ordering the killing of another vocal critic - journalist Anna Politkovskaya. He also wrote a book accusing Putin of ordering several Moscow apartment buildings to be blown up. Putin then falsely blamed the Chechens for the explosions, in order to whip up public support for his unpopular Chechnya military campaign in 2000.

Many conspiracy theories place President Putin in the middle of the Litvinenko assassination. Before he passed, the victim gave a classic "dying man's statement," claiming: "You may succeed in silencing one man. But a howl of protest from around the world will reverberate, Mr. Putin, in your ears for the rest of your life."

The crime was so sophisticated, who but the Russian Security Services could have pulled this kind of thing off? "Polonium-210 is not something you buy at the local fertilizer store," opined a Moscow policeman, who begged not to be identified.

If any of our readers can identify the sexy Polonium burglar, please notify the local authorities, who will promplty get word to Scotland Yard, Interpol, the German Federal Police or Russia's FSB – or whoever is actually investigating this thing.

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