COWABUNGA! AL GORE SURE IS DUMB

Apologies to my fellow bovines, but that Al Gore is sure ignorant when it comes to global warming.

We cows agree that global warming is here, but disagree strongly as to its causes.

Being an extremely egotistical human, Mr. Gore gives too much credit to humans and not enough to cows. Or goats ... or pigs ... or even chickens, for that matter.

Listen up, Mr. Gore! You should read the recent United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization's report that identifies us cows as the main contributor to the greenhouse gases that cause global warming. Not humans. Certainly not SUVs. Why, even pigs and chickens produce more greenhouse gases than people and cars do.

Keep in mind, Mr. Gore, that this report was written by people who don't particularly like American humans, especially Mr. Bush. So it is clearly objective and true.

The report says that we cows (and the world's rapidly growing livestock population) are far and away the greatest cause of climate change. It's all about our great proclivity in the production of flatulence and excrement.

According to the FAO report, livestock produce 65% of the world's nitrous oxide emissions, which have almost 300 times the global warming potential of CO2. We cows emit 35% to 40% of all the methane that goes spewing out into the atmosphere.

One cow, such as myself, produces half a pound of methane per day. There are 1.5 billion cows on this earth right now. There will be over three billion of us in 2040. You do the math, Mr. Gore.

When you add up all the greenhouse gases produced by hogs, pigs, chickens and any other animal proteins you eat, you can see that you should put the credit for global warming where it belongs, on us cows and our barnyard neighbors. Just because you're a human, it's no reason to be giving all the credit to humans.

I wonder if you're now going to give proper credit to us cows.

But having watched that An Inconvenient Truth picture you made, I doubt it. Moo, double moo, did you look fat.

Did you put on all that bulk eating fruits and veggies, Mr. Gore? Or are you doing more than your share to increase the demand for beef, pork, chicken – and global warming gases?

Mr. Gore, here's an inconvenient truth for you: If you're serious about putting an end to global warming, you should buy a Hummer and become a vegetarian.

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