THE SOBs OF BIRTH CONTROL

Annie Ellison sits in her RV in Tucson, happily munching on a Big Mac. In Paris, Louise LeCoeur is whipping up some beef bourguignonne. In London, Vivienne Cox is mixing a bowl of steak tartare. In Munich, Olga Meinhofen is marinating a beef brisket. In Kyoto, Michiko Takazi is gently flavoring a Kobe beef roast.

All five women are practicing a form of "pay it forward" birth control. All five are making a major contribution to future population control.

How?

Well, all five are pregnant.

And all five are eating beef or preparing to eat beef.

A study by the USA's University of Rochester demonstrates that pregnant women who eat a good deal of beef tend to produce sons with low fertility rates. According to the data, sons of beef-eating pregnant women (SOBs) end up with three times the infertility rates of comparable sons of women who consumed only moderate amounts of beef (SOMs).

Apparently it's all in the hormones.

In order to accelerate growth, cattlemen and feedlots pump cattle full of hormones, especially testosterone and progesterone. These hormones seem to signal Mother Nature that "Hey, there's lots of testosterone and progesterone in the blood already. So let's put a hold on the fetus' need to produce active hormone glands of its own."

So male babies who are sons of beefeaters (SOBs) tend to emerge into manhood with sharply lower sperm counts than SOMs.

As the number of SOBs increases, the population growth of beef-eating countries like the U.S., Britain, Germany, France, Italy and Japan will continue to decline. In some cases, domestic populations will begin to decline.

Capitalism is vigorously controlling population growth by producing affluent societies, which in turn produce beef-eating pregnant women. This results in SOBs with low sperm counts.

China, on the other hand, is trying to reduce population growth with Communist directives such as their failing “one child per family” policy.

As their economy booms and families start eating more and more beef, Beijing will come to embrace the SOB policies of the decadent West.

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